How does a parents' divorce effect a child's marriage or choice to marry?

I believe the rise in divorce several years ago was due to the parents of these men and women divorcing. I also believe the decline of divorce in recent years is a result of many choosing not to marry (single women now out number married women) mainly as a result of seeing their parents divorce.





Now there are many factors such as careers and the acceptance of divorce as a society, but on a personal level I believe this to be true. Do you agree or disagree? Do you think there are any other factors? Do you have a different hypothesis?How does a parents' divorce effect a child's marriage or choice to marry?
I think, that people are not getting married anymore because they've watched their parents stay married for the simple fact that they have children together. I know, I watched my mother and father do this for years. She didn't want to leave because she was hell bent on making him take care of his responsibility. He wanted to be single again and live as a bachelor, but he didn't want to pay child support for four kids.





So they stayed together, miserable, hateful, and unhappy. And as a result, we the children (the very reason for their marriage) suffered. When the paren'ts aren't happy, the children arent happy. So it's not always the divorce of a parents marriage that effects a persons choice to marry, it could be the marriage of their parents as a whole that will keep them from getting married.





Like most people ';back them'; my parents got married because I came on the scene (I'm the oldest of four). And when they would get mad at one another, we would hear the story over and over again of how they wished they would have just moved on (if this was so, my brothers and sister wouldn't have been born). Which made us, the kids stuck in the middle of their mess, feel as though their failed marriage was all our fault. Because neither one of them where willing to get go. The marriage was over before it even started, but we paid for their stupidity.





Sometimes it has nothing to do with their parents. It could just be failed relationships in their past that keeps them from commiting in their present. Now days it's so easy for people to cheat. It like second nature for most to step out side of the trust boundry they've established with a loved one. And most everyone has played the fool in the game of love. So to keep this from happing again, they just don't commit.How does a parents' divorce effect a child's marriage or choice to marry?
Personally, my mom went through several divorces and that really set my mind to find a good, sincere man and commit everthing to staying married. I did and my marriage has been excellent for the last 3.5 years. I have every intention of staying in the marriage for the rest of my life because I saw the pain of broken relationships first hand. I suppose that a person exposed to bad relationships would not have the skills to sustain a good relationship therefore either never be able to marry or ruin the marriage in the long run. Like I mentioned earlier, I think society is evolving and men and women are just learning to live with each other as equals and that takes some trial and error. My husband was raised by a strong, intelligent single mother so he's used to a good give and take in a relationship. I know a lot of men have difficulty with that.
My parents are not divorced in a sense - they however live separately after 30 years of marriage. This has gone on for nearly 20 years now - this makes it hard for the children who just have to accept that that's how it goes. We are raised to believe that marriage creates a stable environment for children, security for woman who gives up much to care for her young family. But life has turned into this selfish vicious circle of meism where no one lives to help another but rather to please self. Yes society accepts now that a woman can manage without a man, and it no longer shameful to raise a child on her own. But I still believe in the old fashioned adage - it takes two. Why else would God have put us onto this earth, created male and female and told them to make babies and populate the earth. He instituted the union of man and woman, and there is nothing more sacred. Our lack of respect for God's order and pursuit of selfish gain is what has led to the demise of society. If we went back to doing things with some sort of theocratic guidance we would not be plagued by divorce and scarred childhood and broken family life and values.





This is my hypothesis.
I think you are highly underestimating children and people and general. Not all children grow up thinking their parents are gods who make no mistakes and who's life should be a blueprint for their own lives.





Some learn from the mistakes of their parents. Seeing that up close and personal can help an adult child know what NOT to do to end up in divorce court.





BTW, IMO the divorce rise was due to an increase in divorce availability and common social acceptance of said divorced persons, that and our increasing lack of commitment to anything in general as a society. It's easier to buy a new car than to fix the old one. Easier to throw your hands up in the air and say ';gimme a divorce dammit!'; then it is to make marriage a priority and do whatever it takes to keep the marriage strong.
i was glad that my parents divorced. i was 9 and can remember wondering why my mom didn't leave sooner. their marriage was far more detrimental to all involved than their divorce.





and in all honesty i don't think i entered into my marriage with the idea that it would last. i just wanted a child but couldn't reconcile with the idea of the father not knowing nor my child not having the opportunity to know his father. it's a long story.





essentially, i think if kids have support both financially and emotionally they do just fine in single parent homes.





as for divorce statistics? i don't really trust them. many people in decades past simply separated, or had something else on the side. i think it's good that individuals are more honest these days and more amicable with shared custody.
1 of the main reasons i do not wish to get married is because i have seen too much how miserable ppl can be married.





i know not every one is like this..but i dont care to risk finding out either.
My parents have an awful marriage, but they haven't divorced even though I think they should. I don't think it's affected my choice to marry (Jul 2008), nor do I think it affected my brother's choice to marry (Apr 2007).





I think it's taught my brother and I a lot about the kind of relationship we DON'T want to be in, and we half jokingly (but not really) talk about solving problems with our own relationships by remembering what we imagine our parents would do, then doing the opposite. We try to learn from their mistakes because we've seen the results, but we were also smart enough growing up to realize that's not how a healthy relationship is supposed to be.





I don't think society in general looks down upon divorce nearly as much as they did decades ago. Likewise, I don't think society in general looks down upon single parenthood nearly as much as they did decades ago. To connect the two, couples don't get married as much anymore simply due to an unplanned pregnancy, which is a terrible reason to get married anyway and no doubt contributes to poor marriages and eventual divorces.





Divorce (and single parenthood) just isn't as uncommon as it used to be. Now that doesn't necessarily make it right, but it does make it more accepted, as you put it.
I agree with you. Divorce seems to run in families, as you have also noticed. So often, if someone's parents divorce they will too because that is the way marriage was modelled to them growing up, and it shaped their views. And yes, I also think the divorce rate is falling because of less people bothering to get married. More and more people are just shacking up these days, and that contributes to the divorce rate too. Evidently, people who cohabit before marriage are less likely to marry in the long run, and if they do marry it is more likely to end in divorce. Interesting, no?
Numerically, what you're suggesting can not be the reason. Something had to happen to set off the increase. Marriage rates are less than half what they were 30 years ago, while divorce rates are much higher. Basically, men and women needed each other to survive in the past, and this is no longer needed. People were families. Now we are a highly individualistic society, which means that there is no room for anyone else other than ';me';. I want to go here and you don't, then goodbye. If you don't want to sacrifice this, for me to do that, then goodbye. It's been shoved down our children's throats, especially girls, that 'screw the opposite sex' and you do whatever you want to do. There is no room for others with this extremist concept.





';We can't destroy the inequities between men and women until we destroy marriage.'; -- Robin Morgan (Ms. Magazine Editor)





';All sex, even consensual sex between a married couple, is an act of violence perpetrated against a woman.'; -- Catherine MacKinnon (legal feminist scholar; Universities of Michigan %26amp; Yale)
Currently psychologists know that children of divorced parents will tend to grow up and become divorced sometime in their life as well. The reason for this, as you implied, is because they didn't learn how to relate to one's spouse from their parents. One way that children learn is modeling their parent's actions/behaviors. If a child's parents are separated or continually fighting all the time, then the child probably learns that spouses come and go or that bickering is what marriage is all about. In essence, I agree with your assessment of the situation. There are other factors that influence the situation. Often those who have careers in a scientific field tend not to marry as well as those who go into law enforcement. So career, and the time one has to devote to it, has something to do with it as well. But I still think that our behaviors in a marriage occur mainly as a result of what we learn from our parents regarding marriage and relationships.
I can not answer the question for everyone, just myself.


Parents were married for twenty-two years, then split.


Marriage is BS. Having said that, I am getting married.


Ain't life great!
I can tell you from my point of view that it has affected my choice of marriage (which is refusal to even have a girlfriend for now until I'm a little older). I'm not going to go into details though.
I would think it depends on the age of the child be them younger or older. The medium age group of the children I feel are affected the most. Marriage in this affluent society has become a bad word only to corrupt the family unit itself. There are I suppose reasons for divorce as my own sister is realizing at this time, but the more affluent a couple the easier it is to through in the towel.
divorce and remarriage is hard on kids
I do think that parents relationships have an impact on their children. My mum has been through quite a lot with men, and as a result has made me quite wary of the whole idea of getting married and things like that. I want to be ABSOLUTELY sure that he is the right guy.