What is everyone's opinion on living together before marriage?

I can see how it can have it's good points and it's bad points, but sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that would rather wait until marriage to live with that special someone. Anyone agree? And if not, why not?What is everyone's opinion on living together before marriage?
well because of my own values, i say no. but i can back that up with more than personal conviction.





i don't have the numbers but there have been studies done that outline the couples that live together first actually have a higher divorce rate than those who didn't. why? i think it's because there is no longer anything left to look forward to when you actually do get married. nothing changes. and suddenly marriage has no spark like you had dreamed it would. and so people get fed up.





some will argue that living together helps you to know the real person....which makes sense except that there is still a gaurd up when marriage is not involved so you still don't see all their weaknesses and down points just because you live together.





and no you are not the only one, i gaurentee it. my sister has lived with her bf and they are now broken up and going through a heck of a time as the house was in both of their names. my dh and i had a long distance relationship with lots of phone and email time...which really helped us get to know eachother...and we've been married 5 years. go figure.What is everyone's opinion on living together before marriage?
I'm neutral on actually doing it. We ended up living together for a while before marriage based entirely on finances. He lived in a city 6.5 hours from my parents' place. I had just graduated college and we were 5 months away from the wedding. It would have been stupid for me to go back home to my parents' town to find a job for only 5 months. Made more sense to go ahead and look for employment in the city where I would actually be living. Once that was decided, it was excessively stupid and wasteful to try to get a separate apartment for only 5 months, especially while I was only job-searching at first and not employed.





For those who think they're putting off something special until after marriage, I think they're being a little naive. Like virgins who think their wedding night will be a spectacular night-long session of passionate craziness, when really they'll end up being exhausted from a long day and too nervous for acrobatics anyway. Ridiculous. I fully support people who want to wait till marriage on all fronts. But I hate to hear them try to justify it further. Just say you think it's best, stick to your own guns and be proud of your convictions.





I'm also bothered, though, by those who say you MUST ';try out'; living with your partner before considering marriage. To me, that's way too pessimistic. At that point, you're basically LOOKING for something to be wrong if you think you need to test-drive this person so extensively. And if you're looking, you'll always find something. Whether the relationship will work long-term is based on your ability to solve problems and your respect for each other and such things. Those are things you get to know without having to move in. As for whether there are certain things that would be deal-breakers for you, like smoking or slovenly housekeeping, again, that's something you should know about without having to live with them. So I don't like hearing those people who insist on excessive test-driving.





Humans are NOT cars. You have to get to know them gradually over a long period of time through lots of interaction with them. We test-drive cars for fifteen minutes and then decide whether to buy it. So, to suggest that you pick your spouse through a simple test-drive is retarded. They say they want to test-drive living with them. Want to test-drive having sex with them. Want to test-drive doing holidays with them. Want to test-drive going through their workaholic phase. Want to test-drive going through a medical emergency. Want to test-drive have a financial disaster. Okay... those last ones aren't true. Which is exactly my point. You can't test-drive everything about your future spouse, because ';test-drives'; are short, stupid tests only appropriate for choosing cars. If you want to know what your spouse will be like in all of those areas, you'll have to actually go to the effort of getting to know them like a human.





I think circumstances line themselves up one way or another for different people. That's why the arguments for OR against are both silly.
If you are young, I agree on waiting. The reason is when you get married it is nice to start fresh with a new life. After the age of about 35 and on your second or so marriage living together is more natural. The first, second and third time I waited until after the marriage. This last time it was just natural for us being together, but most people would say living together after being together for 3 days is a bit crazy! So the answer is go with how you feel and it will be the right choice.
There are a lot of other factors that come in to play, but the statistics show that sex before marriage is more apt to lead to divorce later.





I don't know of any positives about it and I am a liberal. When sex enters a relationship, people stop talking and learning about one another -- and the relationship becomes more about sex. Guys get free sex with no commitment. And it's easy to break up with no commitment.



Definitely live together the day i got married was the worst choice i ever made!!! we lived together and one day after 3 years we got married at his suggestion i thought it was okay since we knew each other very well needless to say he only pushed marriage to keep me from leaving so easily(since i told him i would only get married one time and i would do whatever i had to save my marriage !whenever we were just dating) turns out the sorry bastard's 18 years old girlfriend was 5 months pregnant and i had NO CLUE!!! beware just when you think you know someone BAM right between the eyes!
I did it. We survived. Dating and living together are worlds apart. How many people on here sook and whinge cos their hubby/wives changed after marriage - they didnt change, u just didnt get a chance to see them 24/7 with responsibility, pressure and after a bad day at work.





We married after 5 years living together.
For us it worked out well. We lived together for 6 years before we married, and we celebrated our 8th anniversary last month. The marriage ceremony was more of a formality--we had long considered ourselves husband and wife, so getting married served mainly to dot the i's and cross the t's.
Sometimes it's good because you know what you're getting before you make that ultimate commitment. There's nothing wrong with it. I know for myself there are some habits that I can't live with, and at least if you live with someone first, there's no surprises later.
So you live together first. You are sharing a household, bills, cars, friends, and a bed. It's just like being married. Then you get married. Why? What makes it special? I think that if you give up your personal space and live together first, then there is now magic moment that comes with marriage.





Cynical? probably! I'm having too much fun to get married! lol
Lived together for 6 years, I thought he was great. Around the 5 year mark I found out how much of a creepy psycho looser jerk he was. For tax purposes we were treated the same as married....but I didn't have to pay anything to change it back when I got rid of him :)
If you are absolutely positive you will marry then go for it. If not, consider all the trouble you may go through if you break up. I lived with my husband for 1 year before we got married, but we were engaged before we moved in together.
You are right...it is a personal choice. We chose to live together more out of cost controls...but it worked out well for us. I never felt that I had to live together first. Do what makes you happy and your partner will respect that.
I thought the same as you and it made it worse for our marriage we didn't know how to live with each other and couldn't handle how differently we like things. I wish you the best of luck.
It's a HUGE mistake... I lived with my b/f for 4 years. I realized he wasn't the one for me. When I moved on, he stole EVERYTHING from me that I had worked hard to obtain..





It's a no no...
I lived with my BF for 2 yrs B4 we married. I really got to know him well.


We bought a house together, put it in both our names and shared the bills.
if he don't mention any thing about marriage before you move in don;t even think about moving in with him. aint nothing wrong with movin in with the person you love but it's yur choice and opinion about it
I think everyone should do it- it would prevent a lot of divorces by preventing many MARRIAGES!


You would never buy a car without trying it out, why would you choose a life partner without trying out the ';fit';?
I totally agree with you and applaud you for your convictions. I really think it's for the better for both parties.
It depends on the two people. They should agree on the same thing. It's based on your beliefs, morals, values, religion, how you were raised, etc.
Make sure the house is in joint names and its irrelevant if your married or not.