How could this be a good idea to repair a marriage?

We're working on our relationship after my wife's affair (as many of you know by now), and I've been getting emails suggesting we try an open marriage. I don't think I've said anything that would lead people to that opinion, so why do they think it's a good idea? They seem sincere, but wtf? My wife just laughs when I tell her, but I'm really baffled.How could this be a good idea to repair a marriage?
I think, the reasoning behind it is probably that if there's a desire for multiple partners, it might be worth exploring it together and in agreement with each other, instead of doing it in secret in a form of an affair; i.e., embracing the desires instead of suppressing them. Whether or not it works in your situation, only you and your partner can decide. It's not a magic solution - it works for some and doesn't work for others. If you're not comfortable with it, it's not a good idea to try it. The reason why some people might bring it up is that there's more than one way to skin a cat - but what works for them will not necessarily work for you.How could this be a good idea to repair a marriage?
Her being with another person is what got you in this delima. Why on earth would you invite more confusion into your lives. It would be much easier to move on without her and start dating again (freely) without the added pressure, rather than subject yourself to ';openly'; cheating on each other , because that's what it really is. If you have decided to forgive her and stay, then you need to go to counseling to start repairing your marriage. If you decide not to stay, then do what is neccessary to get out. I think the people telling you to have an open marriage are complete idiots and have no clue what you are going through. If you listen to them and follow through, you can be making a costly mistake. Far worse than what she did to you.
eerr...I am not familiar with your other posts but I am under the impression that you are not an advocate of open marriage.





We have experienced infidelity in our marriage and the only way to get past it is to just get past it. You have to bury it and not bring it up again, and stop any behavior that is sneaky. If you cannot get past it, then you have to break up. There is no way you can stay married and bring that up in every disagreement. Just wont work out.
An open marriage is never a good idea, unless both parties are on board with it - and really, it should only be done by two people who aren't married and have a no string attached motto for everything.





Truthfully, I wouldn't stay married to a spouse who has cheated - I would divorce the person instantly. All trust would be gone.






A opened marriage in my opinion is never Okay. Marriage is the union of two people not you your wife and everyone else. Your wife laughing at it to isn't nice at all. I think she finds it funny only b/c she wasn't the one cheated on.





A affair is a hard thing to over come and to add people to the mix will only make it worse!





The people who email you this crap are not on here to help you so you need to ignore them.
Having an ';open marriage'; is probably the single worst thing you could do if your marriage is in trouble. I suspect that these emails are most likely coming from sex starved teenage boys who enjoy stirring people up. Take it from a man who's been married for 22 years (me): these emails to which you refer are so wrong that they don't even deserve a response.
according to what you might have said before people gave their opinion that is not always the best thing but you and your wife have to decide at the end of the day what is best for both of you and an open marriage is for fools and desperate people so do the work repair and get it right it is hard work so work hard (wink)
Because some people are sick, immature, and have no idea what marriage REALLY is about.





I've known some people in open marriages...and they don't last more than a few short, unhappy years.





When you ask a question here, remember that we don't use our real names and there is 0% chance we'll have to deal with the consequence of giving you bad advice.





So remember to take a grain of salt with every response.





Good Luck!
I think it's only a good idea if you have a lot of trust in your relationship ... but since your wife just had an affair, I can't imagine that there is much trust right now. It's probably not the best move for your relationship right now.





Personally, I don't know if I could ever do that kind of stuff. I like my husband all to myself :)
I am just as baffled....





It amazes me that people don't understand what the marriage vows mean..';to forsake all others' means you don't have ANY kind of sex with anyone but your spouse...that they are your friend, confidant, lover, companion.........there is no 'to forsake all others, but if you guys agree to an open marriage, that's okay, bring 'em all on';....lol.





An 'open' marriage is not a marriage at all IMO...just a partnership with legal perks but with a complete lack of fidelity....good luck.
I myself am a swinger and know plenty of people in open marriages. There are people it can work for, and people it can't.





We know of NOBODY who did this to save their marriage and actually had it work out well.





Do NOT do this. Open marriages and swinging can only succeed for couples who have a rock-solid foundation. You do not.
Yeah giving your wife ';permission'; to put other willies inside of her will really help your marriage....SHEESH!





Honey, be with a woman that wants to be with you. Problem solved.





I think SOME people's version of ';setting the bird free'; involves ringing their necks so they can't leave. No wonder society is going to hell.
Open marriages are built on trust. Your wife's trust from you is broken. Do not listen to those that suggest such a thing. Work hard on the relationship not the sex. Find out why she cheated, I promise, solve that ? and the rest will fall into place.
Its not, everyone telling you that is insane. Now you told your wife that and she thinks you're an idiot. Sure did a lot of good huh. Go to counseling and try to get her to commit to making it work, as should you.
she was already living an open marriage.... that is what got you where you are now......








why would you listen to idiots on here..... and agree to an open marriage.





I agree with you.... and with your wife..... OPEN MARRIAGE IS NOT THE ANSWER.
If it's ok for her to cheat (you're still together), why shouldn't it be ok for both of you to cheat, as long as you take the proper precautions to not contact any STDs.
your trying to repair your marriage after she cheated, so everyones solution is to allow her to cheat?????????? I swear, some peoples kids..... thats retarded.
I agree with Layla, get out of there. If you have kids, she's an selfish idiot who has cheated them out of a family. Good luck, and get out.
I would not try to save a marriage where my wife cheated on me. I would kick her a** to the curb.
I think they are just being sarcastic.





Ignore those, and reply back to the ones who are serious.





We get those a lot here on Y.A.
That sounds like a horrible idea. I think that will lead to the end of your marriage.
You are correct! :-)
if she is like that .. then give her a miss big time .. mate ..
I'd say how noble you are to try to fix this marriage, and no, I'd not suggest an open marriage.... to any one who values a solid relationship.





However, few marriages survive betrayal, hon. Do a statistical search and you well see that only 20% of them survive 2 years, and that is with both in counseling, and both hoping to save it. Most couples simply report that they just couldn't get past the eeewwww factor, when it was finally over and done.





There are lots of 13 year olds who answer questions on here. You can usually spot them by the fact that they write in text style, or have no idea that ';i'; as a single word doesn't exist in English. I'm guessing you are getting open marriage suggestions from either them, or young adults who indeed just ';mattress jump';.





Any counselor will tell you that open marriages don't last long, resentment runs high, and contentment very very low.





So, no, it for sure won't repair your marriage... and here's why, really little will:





If marriages are Respect, Passion, Admiration and Trust, the Trust is gone with the Passion getting shared. It is then difficult to truly Admire or Respect someone who has betrayed your trust.





When these four biggies are gone, the marriage is over, even if you stay together.





And many couples with kids do, simply because they cannot afford to end it. So, each goes his/her own way, but they share parental responsibilities, and the roof.





I wish you both well, and hope you two beat the odds.