How do you do it in a marriage?

My husband works and he does an after school program so I realize that when he gets home he is tired but I am home with my daughter all day and I don't even get a break sometimes when I go to the bathroom she cries so I have to use it real quick she just turned 12 mon. I really feel like I need help but when he gets home he is tired and he says can't I just get a break. What is the balance because after he came home he is off work and I never stopped. How do you do it?How do you do it in a marriage?
my husbands in iraq, im alone with a 9 month old


in germany. I have NO help


hows that soundHow do you do it in a marriage?
we are in the same boat. my SO works all day and i understand that when he gets home he is tired and doesnt want to deal with our baby. she is 10 months and is getting into everything so i know he doesnt want to come home to be running around after her. so what i do is have him take her a bath while he is in the shower. it helps me take some time off. not much time but its something. then i put her to bed early so me and my SO can have alone time.
sorry to break it to you but a lot of women are in the same situation. i work 8-4:30 when it is summer then i come home and take care of my daughter the rest of the night. she is 13mths and i have another on the way in Dec. My bf works at 7am but leaves at 6:15am and works til he is done and he normally gets home around 7-10pm somewhere in that time frame. by the time he gets home our daughter is in bed so I do it all. then i start full time classes in the fall and winter and I then work after or before the classes each day and come home to take care of her again everyday. he isn't home to help. you just gotta do what you gotta do. everyone needs a break and he sounds super busy working and going to school. I do it and that is a lot of work but then i also take care of my daughter and then will with my son in Dec too. my bf doesnt' help much but i know i have to do it all for my daughter. i am her mom and that is my job.
I know EXACTLY how you feel. My daughter is 5mths and I stay home with her. My husband gets home about the time that I lay her down for bed. It is a 24/7 job for us moms. We NEVER stop. Even if we go out once in a while we are always worrying about whether our baby is ok and calling to check in. We never really get a moment of peace. My husband is going out tonight with his friends because it is one of their b-days. Guess where I am going to be...home. He gets to go out at the drop of a dime but I have to set up a babysitter in order to do that. I know how you feel about working so hard. Men really just don't get it. Good luck!!





P.s. I agree also with Noah's Mom. I do cleaning, errands, laundry and watch and play with my daughter. There is a barely a moment to relax but my husband doesn't get it either even though I have tried to tell him. Be strong girl =)
He needs to realize that yeah, he has worked all day, but so have you. at least he got to play his other roles for awhile, you are mommy 24/7. he needs let you have your hands free for a little while when he gets home. its his baby too.





my husband has been working 12 hour shifts in a steel mill welding in over 100 degree tempatures, from 7am-7pm. yet when he comes home and takes a shower he still takes the rest of the time he is up before he goes to bed to spend time with both our 6 wk old and our 5 year old so i can take a shower, make dinner, or just relax without the baby in my arms! explain to your husband that is just what a man has to do when he becomes daddy. tired or not.
First, when you are home alone with your child, just pee with the door open, its easier. They can see you and you can do your business with out them crying!





When your husband comes home, give him a half hour to wind down, and then be specific in what you need. Honey, could you please play with her so I can take a bath.? Honey, would you like to read her a book tonight, she loves it when you read. Honey, can you please put this basket of towels away for us? I am tired of I need help confuses men. Be nice, be specific, and be firm when you need to be and you might get what you need!!
You need to sit down with your husband and explain how you're feeling. He's a parent too and, even though he may be tired at the end of the day, he needs to take a hand in raising your daughter as well.





Just because you stay at home does NOT mean you're able to relax all day long. I keep our house clean, the laundry done up, I run the errands during the day, and I chase around a 16 month old. I just don't think that people realize we DO things during the day besides sit on our butts and watch television.
I do this every day with a 12 years old 9 year old twins a 3 years old and a 7 months old. no matter what i do for myself or with my kids I still feel like it's so unfair. You can do things though that will help you keep your mind off this such as going to local play groups with other moms and making new friends with children the same age where you can have playdates and such. Even just taking the baby for a walk or to the park. You need to feel like you have freedom even with a baby so you take the baby out, visit people. just find anything to do to make your life feel just as important as your husbands. This is what I do but as I said you still will feel like sometimes it just isn't fair. Good luck!
We are wonder women. Tap into your super hero senses.





But honestly. Have dinner done when hubby gets home. When hubby gets home go in the room. Act like a man. When he asks for help say ok with no real intent on getting up. Help by saying things like. Ur baby knocked over this big cup af juice! When he gets off work so do you. I leave sometimes when hubby gets home. Men have to be forced to do anything. Even good parenting
What do you need help for anyway? what you going to be doing if your husband leave you? you will be living on your own.dont you.


your husband is working. you are at home always and spending time with your child that you choise to have but now you are un happy, I think you need a good lecture.
Men are just like that hun. I love my husband very much, and he is a big help through everything. He is pretty good with helping me out with our baby, but its normally because I have to ask, change the baby diaper, give her a bath, etc. Now he will play with her, and I love seeing that. that's one thing Im blessed on, because me or my husband didnt have a father figure in our life. Men just think thats a womens responsiblitiy, keeping up the house, cooking, ,watching over the babies. and his job is to work all day, pay bills, etc. Just tell him how you feel!
my hub usually watches/plays with her for an hour or two after he gets home, then goes to bed early....he looks forward to getting home to her though instead of seeing it as a chore, he sees it as fun with his best buddy....:)
Sit down and talk to him about it. You are also working all day! I tell my husband that if he had to pay a nanny and a house keeper to do all that I do with no breaks or days off then he would go broke! HE can't afford me! =P


When my hubby comes home from work he gets 45 min to do whatever he wants. After that he is on complete and total baby duty for the next 45 min in which I get to take my break and have zero responsibilities and can just un wind. Once that is all done... we finish the day together both doing our share. We sort of work together to finish up.


I mean honestly sometimes during my 45 min free time he will have a problem too big to solve on his own (like yelling at me from the other room to pass him a towel which is RIGHT BESIDE HIM because the baby just spit up.. lol) but I usually let it slide because he does try. And the trying is enough for me and makes me feel like I am not taken for granted. Which is usually all that I need. Also whenever I get a migraine or am having a really bad day he amazingly somehow gets everything done without my help AND a smile on his face telling me everything is fine and that I should rest.


But he has not always been so great and thoughtful. A lot of it has to do with getting them involved. Let them see for themselves that it is not just about responsibilities and what is fair. Taking care of your baby is rewarding and fun! I don't say that I need some me time.. I tell him Jorge needs some Daddy time. When I say it like that he can't resist!
Responsibilities get shared in this household after daddy gets home. So then, the table is balanced. I like to at least get a shower or bath to myself when he gets home, if I've made dinner I want him to wash up, etc.





Bring her to the bathroom with you, btw! Lord knows I don't remember the last time I peed in peace, I don't mind it ;)