Is it reasonable to assume that the person you love could one day be marriage material?

I love my girlfriend but (the big but) she doesnt have a strong sense of self which makes me doubt if she's ready to marry and have kids. She's getting better over time, and with me (she tells me herself) she has become her own person (I can feel that). I dont want to marry someone who depends on me a lot for emotional support because I may not always be there but someone who's strong and independent. Do you think it's possible for someone to get there?Is it reasonable to assume that the person you love could one day be marriage material?
Well, yes and no. On one hand people do mature with age, and with that maturity comes a greater sense of self. You begin to establish who you, what your purpose is, and what you believe. As you said, you've seen her grow as a person throughout your relationship, and I would guess that's due to the confidence she's gained (and will continue to gain) from your relationship. I don't know how old you both are, but I don't believe that process of growth ever truly stops.


On the other hand if she is someone that requires a lot of emotional support (while the level she requires will go down) she will most likely always be someone who will require more emotional support than most (as a part of her personality type). You need to decide whether or not that is something that you will be able to deal with. If so great! If not its not fair of you to continue your relationship with her since she will be assuming that your ok with her personality and level of need for emotional support. If its really an issue I would sit her down and talk about it with her.


Good Luck!Is it reasonable to assume that the person you love could one day be marriage material?
It's possible to get there but she may never get to the level of independence that you are thinking of. So if you love her, just accept her as a person who changing and maturing. So are you... By the way, you can find someone strong and independent and not love them and never be in love with them so where would you be then?


And - big AND - being emotional support for a wife is important. It is not a sign of weakness. In fact, she's supposed to be emotional support for you too. You both have to 'always be there' - if you can't manage that, you shouldn't even be thinking of marriage because it is not for you.
No, that sounds like too much baggage for you. You should find someone as perfect as you are.
Well I think the old saying goes, ';Everybody needs somebody sometime.'; She shouldn't rely on you for EVERYTHING. Does she have close friends and family that she could be turning to for advice instead of you?





Let me just say that in my relationship, I think I'm kind of like your girlfriend. But I have a very close network of friends and family too. I just think of my boyfriend as my very best friend. I want to tell him everything and want his input but have come to realize(after 8 years) that guys don't always care about the same things girls do.





I do think she can get there. Even now, I'm going through a really really hard time and I am trying not to put it on my boyfriend too much because I'm sure he's tired of hearing about it. I've learned that he knows how I'm feeling, he's there for me, but I can't expect him to hold me all day and pat my head and tell me everything will be alright. He works hard and deserves to come home and relax and veg out...not be bombarded by my blabbering.





The reason I'm telling you all of this is because it made me think of myself and I can say that I'm getting there but I think that's because I've gotten older and more mature and (again I say) realized that guys just don't care the way that girls do. Of course don't SAY this to her! She has to learn it on her own ;)





Good luck to you! Hope I was some help!